Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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