I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
