No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
