woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
