He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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