1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
