did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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