am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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