apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
