shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
