You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
