Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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