I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
