his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
