Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
