Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
