thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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