Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
