Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
