It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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