as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
