how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
