Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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