Me too!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize