I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
