I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
