Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
