First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
