How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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