Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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