I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
