You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
