so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
