Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize