If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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