i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
