If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
