I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
