ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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