but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
