she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
