if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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