are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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