I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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