i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
