I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
