Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
