so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
