Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
