He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
