Acid is not a monday night drug
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's always time for handjobs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
