Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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