just tell him i said nine months
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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