I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
