just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
