your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
