You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
