It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
