I want to make a zoo with you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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