Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
