Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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