you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
