Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
