My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
