i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
