Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
