are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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