im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Randomize
