there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
