I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
