I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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