Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
