??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I touched a dick in church today
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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