i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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