how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
