having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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